So often, when we first start out on this journey, we are confronted with a language that is foreign and find ourselves wondering…what does THAT mean? So I’m providing a list of commonly used BDSM Lifestyle Terms to give you a beginning reference. This list is by no means exhaustive, so if you come across a term that isn’t listed, please email Me and I will add it!
D-Types:
We hear them used, see them on FetLife…Top, Dominant, Domme, Master, Mistress, Daddy, Mommy…they have capital letters…so what do they all mean? Generically, you may hear all of these terms lumped together and the various individuals who possess these titles referred to as “D-types”, individually, they all mean something a little different.
Top
Is probably most easily defined as a play term…someone who Tops during a scene (the person doing the flogging, spanking, etc.). You may also find this used more frequently within the Gay community than in the Het community. This term, in My experience, does not necessarily denote a D/s relationship, but more of a play dynamic.
Dominant/Domme
This is used more often to denote a position in a D/s dynamic. Literally, the Dominant is the one who dominates their partner in a power exchange relationship. Domme (pronounced “dom-ay”) is the female version of Dominant. This term is also used to publicly identify oneself to the community, whether or not one is in a dynamic.
Master/Mistress
This is used usually to denote one’s position in a M/s dynamic, however, it may also be used to denote how one sees one’s self whether or not they are currently in a dynamic.
Daddy/Mommy
These terms are used to denote the type of D/s dynamic currently enjoyed by the couple, or the individual’s role within their relationship and/or the community. A Daddy (or Mommy) is not necessarily a role that is put on strictly for play, but rather is a role within the dynamic that is maintained during most (if not all) interactions.
Terms of Address
It is always safest, if you are being introduced to someone for the first time, to ask them how they wish to be addressed. While I may be introduced as Mistress Nerissa, I simply prefer to be addressed as Nerissa in social settings. During play with others, I prefer “Ma’am” and with My submissive, I prefer “Mistress.” But everyone is different. If you are uncertain, ask politely and listen to the answer. Many people understand what it is to be new and will be accepting and appreciative of your desire to learn.
s-types:
Generically known as “s-types,” usually you will see these terms universally written with lower-case letters, and individuals who identify as an s-type, will sign their name online with lowercase letters and using a lowercase i to publicly identify as such.
bottom
Simply, a bottom is a person who, in scene, is being spanked, flogged, whipped, etc. This generally is a term confined to generalities or to a specific scene and not often used to describe relationship dynamics.
submissive
This term is used by those who have chosen to give up some measure of control to a Dominant within a D/s dynamic, whether or not they are currently in a dynamic.
slave
This term is used by those who have chosen to give up ALL control to a Master/Mistress within an M/s dynamic, whether or not they are currently in a dynamic.
pet
This term is used to objectify an individual and may denote an individual who enjoys puppy, kitty or pony play.
girl/boy
This term is generically used to identify an s-type who is in a relationship. It may be a term of address from the D-type or used to talk about someone who is in a relationship, i.e. “Sir, may I speak with your girl?”
Addressing an s-type
When addressing an s-type who does not belong to you, be respectful and keep in mind that if they are owned or connected to a D-type, it is commonly accepted to ask permission before touching an s-type, even to shake hands. Some s-types, may be under speech restrictions and therefore unable to respond to you. Above all, remember that an unowned s-type is not free-game. s-types deserve as much respect from you as anyone else. Unowned s-types are not there to do your bidding, nor should they unless they are so inclined!
Scene Terms:
Masochist
A masochist is an individual who receives pleasure (sexual or otherwise) from having pain inflicted on them, whether physical, emotional, or psychological.
Restrictions
Speech and eye-contact restrictions, as well as bodily contact and bathroom restrictions are not uncommon during public outings. They are as they suggest, where the s-type is not allowed to make eye-contact, speak or make physical contact with another person unless given explicit permission. Bathroom restrictions may also be used, not allowing the s-type to freely use the bathroom, or eat, smoke, drink, unless given permission or a certain set of tasks is first completed.
Sadist
A sadist is a person who receives sexual pleasure (or any pleasure) from inflicting pain on another person. This pain can be physical, emotional, or psychological.
Scene
The term scene can refer to a BDSM event in general, even if it is a primarily vanilla event such as a coffee, or it can be a specific time for play. They are used interchangeably and frequently, and are defined by context.
Switch
A switch is a person who can either top or bottom and who prefers to do both at any given time.
Relationship Terms:
D/s Dynamic
A relationship defined by the Dominance of One and the submission of another. This is a power transfer dynamic and is generally of long duration, rather than a casual play event.
M/s Dynamic
A relationship defined by the Mastery of One and the slavery of another. This is a complete power transfer dynamic and is usually of long duration, and involves immense trust and understanding.
Fluid Bonding
This is a term used to define the sexual state of the couple. In simple language, a fluid bonded couple is one who does not use condoms or other barriers, has shared blood/semen/vaginal fluids.
Negotiation
The process of getting to know one another prior to play, understanding the hard limits of each partner, what is desired from the interaction (whether short-term or long-term), setting goals and expectations for the relationship, and generally stating what will happen when and giving consent.
Power Exchange
Power Exchange or Power Transfer is the practice of the s-type actively giving up control over their person to another.
Protocol
Rituals designed to enhance the relationship and make certain that the s-type fully understands his/her duties, expectations, etc. Many D-types also use protocols to act as an s-type barometer, to let them know how their s-type is feeling.
Types of Play:
This list is BY NO MEANS EXHAUSTIVE! I will be adding to it as time goes on. If there is something that you’d like to see here, please email Me!
Anal Play
Play with plugs, beads, strap-ons, fingers or any other implements in or around the anus.
Bondage
Any type of physical binding of the body or various body parts, i.e. handcuffs, arm binding, leg binding, mummification, rope bondage, duct tape bondage, etc. Any materials may be used to restrict movement of the body so long as safety protocols are followed.
Branding
Branding is the temporary or permanent marking of an s-type. This can include tattoos, cold-branding, fire-branding, etching, carving, etc.
Breath Play
Any type of play that restricts the free breathing of an individual, which may include choking, smothering, drowning, hanging, etc. This type of play is extremely dangerous and should not be attempted alone (i.e. autoerotic asphyxiation).
CBT
Otherwise known as Cock and Ball Torture, varies from intense sensation play on the male genitals to severe impact, piercing, bondage, stretching and other forms of torture.
Humiliation
Humiliation is negotiated embarrassment (in public or private) of the s-type. This can include name-calling, positions, clothing, activities, etc.
Impact
Any type of play that involves physical impact to another person, i.e. flogging, whipping, spanking, paddling, caning, punching, etc.
Knife Play
The use of a knife or sharp blade to create fear and sensation. Cutting and blood are not necessarily part of this play, but rather the use of a knife to ensure no movement from the s-type and intense sensation.
Orgasm Control and Denial
The control and denial of orgasms by the D-type. The s-type must ask permission to orgasm, and the permission is given or withheld at the whim of the D-type. Punishment may ensue if orgasm occurs without permission.
Pony/Puppy/Kitty Play
Where the s-type achieves pleasure behaving, dressing, playing as a pony, puppy or kitty, and the D-type receives pleasure in training and caring for Their pet. For a more intense discussion of this type of play, please see: Pony Play, Puppy Play, Kitty Play.
Rough Body Play
Any type of play that includes punching, kicking, throwing, and generally rough handling of an individual.
Sensory Deprivation
The use of blindfolds, ear plugs, hoods, masks, etc. to remove sight, sound, smell, taste, etc. from the s-type. This type of play usually leaves one or two senses open in order to intensify them during the scene.
Squirting
An ejaculatory orgasm for women. For more information on how to do this, see this very detailed blog!
Water Sports
Commonly known as a golden shower, this is generally known to be urine play, whether drinking, wearing, or forcing someone else to wet themselves.
Other Information:
When researching these, or any unfamiliar topics, on the internet, be certain to get more than one resource who have basically the same information. With so much information out there, there is bound to be some information that is harmful. Use common sense and remember to go at your own pace!
If you have any questions or would like more information, please feel free to contact Me directly!
Check out our article on beginning Caning and discipline.
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Copyright 2012 Mistress Nerissa
