Marriage and Spanking in the Bedroom: Thoughts on Intimacy and Trust

Guest Blog Post from The Black Toy Chest

Marriage and Spanking in the Bedroom: Thoughts on Intimacy and Trust

Madison Berlin from The Black Toy Chest


            When my husband and I were dating, I had never been spanked by anyone before – not as a punishment or even as a playful smack. He introduced me to it one day out of the blue as a teasing gesture, and at first I admit I was reluctant – I wasn’t sure what to make of it, really. As we got to know each other more and more though, his affectionate and teasing spankings were beginning to make me a little horny, a feeling of naughtiness bringing out more passion for him. Soon, it became a regular part of foreplay, and I began to actually enjoy getting spanked beyond just the tease, to the point where I would ask my husband to spank me more (with a naughty horny voice of course) – I loved getting my butt glowing red with his palm prints and he spanked me all the while fondling my breasts or rubbing my clitoris. And he came to know exactly how I liked it – with a firm hand smacking down on the softest part of my butt, giving me a little sting but not too much. During lovemaking, when my husband took me from behind, he would spank me again and again; I loved every bit of his affectionate spanking. I felt myself getting tighter and wetter around his manhood with each stinging smack, and the effect was even more pronounced when we enjoyed anal sex. Yet it wasn’t really clear why it was so enjoyable. Perhaps it was just that naughty feeling, or maybe it was the endorphins released by the slight stings. However, I later found out as my husband and I grew closer through marriage that the reasons revealed to have much deeper roots.

            Spanking for me undoubtedly feels good because I feel a bit sluttier for my husband, and bit like a naughty girl who’s been up to no good and is being set straight. But there’s a reason that it feels so good and turns me on. At the core of it is the belief that my husband isn’t really going to hurt me, and that it’s an affectionate act on his part to know what makes me hot for him. I trust him to know my limits and to push them right to take me to new heights. I trust him to know where to smack and when. I trust him to only make me his naughty girl and give nobody else that privilege. That’s a special feeling. It takes all the components that make us work as a couple and heightens them when he spanks me. Not consciously, mind you, I’m too busy being pleasured then – it’s subconscious knowledge that comes to light upon reflection. And I know that he feels special because I let him make me naughty. He knows I love it because it’s him that’s spanking my round behind. It takes our trust and makes it stronger for the both of us; it’s enjoyable! Marriage is so often construed as just commitment, but it has so many components that are overlooked. It’s filled with joys, frustrations, and everything in between – and it’s the trust in our lovers to love us no matter what that makes that commitment possible. The spanking itself passes with each session of our play, but the fact that we are so close remains – and that’s what lays the foundation for making spanking so enjoyable for us.

            As for the tools of the trade, they can certainly add to your spanking experience. My husband started spanking me with a paddle and belt only fairly recently in our time together, after we had long established that I enjoy playing the naughty girl. We found that the heightened (or stingier, should I say?) play allows us to fantasize even more together. For example, just the other day, I gave him a particularly pleasurable blowjob, and he slowly pulled out a belt and informed me that I’ve been naughty and need to be punished. It was a pleasantly unexpected surprise, and I happily played along, agreeing with him and asking him for a spanking to set me straight. I assumed the position and kneeled with my butt in the air, and my husband went to town giving me one smack after another on my bare bottom, evenly belting each butt cheek with lots of sting; he made me say that I’ve been naughty and deserve to be spanked hard, and I said it over and over again while I felt the belt leaving my butt all red with stripes. Naturally, it hurt more than his hand, but I was all the more horny afterwards, really immersed in my role as a naughty girl; my husband then went to town on my dripping love hole with his lovely manhood. The situational play that we enjoyed shows how spanking can increase intimacy. There are many days when we will indulge in gentle lovemaking cradling each other, and nurturing our affection. But some days we both want something a bit rougher, something passion-fueled instead of affection-fueled. And spanking is one of the ways we heighten our passion – it’s edgier and sluttier and different while maintaining all of the subtle foundations that make us work as a loving couple. And when we play our respective roles that allow such passion, we get closer together as an end result.

            The nuances of spanking become clearer after you’ve enjoyed it for a while. I still love my husband’s hand the most, but his belt and our new paddle from SPORKwood are the toys that take us above our usual limits when we want it. The belt stings more than his hand, and the paddle is big enough to spank both of my butt cheeks at once, giving me no break between smacks. What’s more, the paddle allows me to be spanked while butt plugged (and it pushes it in more – lots of moaning fun!), making the experience even more pleasurable. We use whatever tool suits our mood, but constantly searching for new methods and different strokes (no pun intended) help us extend and deepen our intimacy. It’s important to keep communication up – what feels good, what doesn’t, and what you want to try.

We have chosen to the spend the rest of our lives together, and we plan to make it as fun and close as we can – Spanking’s definitely one of the things that help us keep it lively in the bedroom (Ladies, I guarantee if you stick up your butt in the air and tell your husband you’ve been a naughty girl, he will be all over you in a heartbeat). Does this mean everyone should like spanking? Not necessarily. We’ve found it to be rewarding and hope that others enjoy it too, but we would like to stress that whatever it is in your love life that makes you trust your partner more, that makes you closer to them – go for it and don’t hesittate! Play out some of your fantasies or try some new positions. And realize that all of these things get you two talking to each other about something intimate and private; that it’s only for your partner to hear. Keep that specialness alive: Marriage isn’t a static condition – it evolves with you two. Good luck, be naughty, and have fun!


Thank you for reading, and happy spanking!

James and Madison


Follow us at:

Leave a comment

Please note, comments must be approved before they are published


Tony Conrad

July 28, 2017

Good article. My marriage is the same but different perspective. My wife does the spanking but the word discipline or punishment is never used. I view it as an erotic thing not a punishment thing. I had often tried to spank her but had to admit in the end that it was never going to switch her on.

Tony Conrad

October 12, 2017

I’ve always been interested in spanking. Don’t know where it came from. In Our marriage it’s the opposite way around. I ask her to spank me which she does. As a man I don’t need to be dominated or even humiliated but her spanking works wonders for some reason. She is not switched on by receiving though. It’s just how it is.


Just added to your cart:
Kink Factory
Excl. postage 
My Bag
Just added to your wishlist:
Wish List No Image
Excl. postage 
My Wishlist